Now for the real wedding

The royal wedding was all well and good, but now we have a real, commoner's ceremony to look forward to.  That means no pomp, no beefeaters, no archbishop, but front row seats and we get to keep our mobile phones during the service.  Yes, Sister B, who I always think is around 17 but turns out to be much older, is to tie the knot in Beverley Minster, two weeks on Saturday. I haven't thought of a pseudonym for her husband-to-be yet - I can only say he's very lucky, and he knows it.

Gaia and Hedda are to be bridesmaids, and Titus is going as a 'Bavarian boy' and will hand out orders of service.  CG is dithering between a normal suit and a military black tie ensemble.  I picked out my dress for two reasons - (1) its length, maxi, to hide my varicose veins and (2) its colour, sea-green, to match said veins if I should whirl a little too fast on the dancefloor and give everyone a flash (God forbid - I shall stick firmly to diet Coke!!!)

Oh, I know, I'm terribly self-deprecating.  It's in my blood.  That's probably why I ended up with those veins.  But never mind.  The wedding is sure to be perfect, even though my ma keeps fretting about the food and asking me weird questions about my vegetarianism.  Here's an example: so, you don't eat parmesan any more? No, I don't, it contains rennet.  Oh.  But smoked salmon is ok, isn't it? Erm... I'll pick it off the blini.  Thanks Mum.
I jest, of course.  As a vegetarian one gets used to function food (which is entirely different from functional food).  There is usually very little one can eat with a clear conscience, but rather than complain I like to view this as a natural brake on my otherwise greedy, pile-my-plate-as-high-as-possible tendencies.

I'd like to see a Bavarian wedding.  Just think of all the bizarre, folklorish rituals that must be involved.  I can see that I'll have to hunt around for some engaged Bavarian couples and then angle for an invite in order to experience it all first hand.   I know that in Northern Germany the wedding is more of an obstacle course than an enjoyable occasion for the bride and groom.  Customs differ, but generally speaking the family and friends contrive to make things as difficult as possible, setting little 'challenges' that must be met before the next step can occur.  For example, on exiting the church, the newly-weds might have to saw a huge piece of wood in half.  Or the bride gets 'kidnapped' from the reception and the groom has to rouse himself from his post-prandial stupor to go and find her.  Wedding presents, which are usually in the form of bank notes, might be buried deep in a lump of concrete, to be smashed open with a hammer.  What fun they must all have, and how pleased I am that CG and I didn't get married here!!!!