Don't let the bedbugs bite

You could be forgiven for thinking that I don't actually do any housework any more, as I hardly ever mention it. Funny that. I just seem to have more exciting and important things going on most of the time, and there is only so much one can write about broken-down vacuum cleaners and clogged-up plug holes. I also endeavour not to use this arena to vent my frustration at various members of this household, who simply cannot or will not understand basic commands or instructions regarding cleanliness, tidiness or hygiene. For that reason you will thus be unaware that my current pet hate is Hedda and Titus' insistence on removing their pillowcases and duvet covers, scrunching them up into a ball and shoving them under a bed. It drives me nuts. Time and again I have stood over them as they ineffectually try to put the bedlinen back on - they never can, so I end up doing it for them - and sometimes, I just give up, and they get their wicked way. It isn't enough to tell them that it's unhygienic. What does this word mean to people who eat Chinese noodles on the toilet, or who think mouthwash is a replacement for brushing their teeth? Last night, though, I had a brainwave. I had said goodnight already, leaving them under their naked duvets and heads upon bare pillows, having had no energy left for getting a whole new set out and going through whole process again. I rushed back upstairs, burst into the room and switched on the light. Two sets of eyes regarded me warily. You know the real reason why duvets and pillows need covers, I said. Heads were shaken. Because there are CREATURES living in there! You have never seen two people move faster. Screams of disgust rent the air. Ughhh! Why didn't you tell us before, Mummy?? Well, I'm telling you now, I said. I am hoping that is the end of this particular bugbear.

On my way downstairs I checked the bathroom and found to my chagrin that Gaia had omitted to empty the bin (which was mainly full of her detriment, including a recent self-done haircut). I was so annoyed that I tied up the bulging bag and left it on her bed, nestling in a pile of blankets. Today I discovered that she hadn't even noticed. Which says it all. I am clearly fighting a losing battle. I tripped over a pile of dirty laundry and found a piece of chewing gum stuck to my shoe. Then I went back to cleaning the microwave. Someone had exploded a hot-dog sausage in there, and believe me, it was not pretty.