The German Civil Servant (male variety)

Male German civil servants are in a class of their own. I write, in particular, of those who work in a Rathaus/town hall or any kind of administrative centre, and not so much the management, but the lower ranks. I imagine that their job description would include such criteria:

Dress Code:

Jeans, preferably mid-blue denim or faded

Belt*

Tee-shirt

Waistcoat**

Unremarkable shoes in any shade of beige

Some form of facial hair, neatly trimmed

*Of which the buckle must not be visible, rather hidden from view of the 'customer' by a large, pendulous beer belly

** Any colour acceptable. Note to the reader - whilst you may find the combination of tee-shirt and waistcoast strange, even tasteless, it represents for the wearer a token nod to the formality of their official capacity.

Must-have characteristics:

The ability to ignore 'customers', even when they are positioned clearly on the other side of a glass door and it is already 5 minutes past the time allotted for the appointment

The need to eat a second breakfast, usually no more than 2 hours after the first, which will consist of a large bread roll stuffed with some kind of indefinable pork product. Crumbs of the said roll will still be evident, at least 30 minutes after consumption, in or around the facial hair area

The ability to make any 'customer' feel extremely small and to make it clear that ANY papers/forms presented by the 'customer' are WRONG and cannot be processed

Enough said.